The Montreal Pinoy Post » Dear Ate V.

dear ate v.

Veraida-Lyn Bermejo — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 12:45:31 +0000

How can I keep myself motivated about school?
For high school students, it may be really difficult to study subjects that you have no interest in or even plan to use in the future. But what you must realize, this will probably be the best time of your life, because it only gets harder as you get older. So make the most of it, especially when it comes to your education. The mixture of different subjects can help you decide what you want to do in the future as well as understand the day to day realities of everything that happens around you. You might see that you excel in one subject and realize that this may be something that you want to pursue in CEGEP and university. Think about the things that you learned in high school that you probably would not have known without it.

A great way to be motivated is to challenge yourself. Start with little goals like reading one more chapter than the one assigned; start your homework immediately once you get home from school so that you have the rest of the evening to relax; study with friends and avoid writing papers until the night before the due date.
And finally, share your achievements with you parents. When you get a high grade on a paper or assignment, share the great news with your parents. By letting them know how well you are doing in school can only motivate you even more. All the hard work that you are putting into school right now will ultimately pay off for you and your future.

Dear Ate V.

Veraida-Lyn Bermejo — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 15:00:34 +0000

My boyfriend is spending too much time playing videogames. How do I get him to stop?
These days, threatening to break up with your boyfriend is simply not enough to change this type of hobby. Since he is busy doing what he loves, maybe this is your opportunity to do things that you haven’t done in while. Call up your girlfriends that you haven’t seen in awhile and have a girls’ night out. Or pick up that book that you’ve been meaning to read. Or shop ‘til you drop since you don’t have you boyfriend to drag along. Basically, this is your chance to become detached from your boyfriend and be free to do what you like. Boys will be boys. So take the this time to do what girls do. That time apart may be well worth it to make up for the time when you are together even more meaningful.

Dear Ate V.

Veraida-Lyn Bermejo — Tue, 28 Sep 2010 15:00:50 +0000

Lately, my girlfriend has been upset with me because I have been spending more time at work and less time with her. However, when she is busy, I give her the space she needs without complaining. How do I tell her that she’s being unfair?
There will always be a time when important factors like school and work affect time spent in a relationship. Some couples go weeks at a time not seeing each other because their schedules are just too hectic. She needs to acknowledge and understand that you need time as well to focus on important things that maintain your way of life. It is not fair that you give her the space that she needs for school and work without you complaining. Relationships are about compromise and understanding. There are other factors in life (work, school, family and friends) that can affect time spent with each other. Your life does not only revolve around her. Let her know exactly how you are feeling. If she continues to be upset, then you may want to ask her what she is looking for in this relationship and where do you see it going if she cannot compromise or understand that you need as much space as she does.

Do you believe in soulmates?

Veraida-Lyn Bermejo — Fri, 28 May 2010 13:00:31 +0000

Sure, I do. I believe there is a “special” someone from everyone, but what I’ve learned is that that someone does not have to be a boyfriend or girlfriend that you hope to marry one day. Soulmates are about having a partner that completes you – someone to turn to when the times get tough, someone to laugh with, share secrets with and most importantly, someone that you love and makes you happy. Your best friend could be your soul mate, your brother or sister and of course, your boyfriend or girlfriend. Soulmates also do not believe that time or distance can affect the relationship. If soulmates separate and re-unite, they come together as if they had just seen each other the day before, when in reality they been separated for months or even years. I think the best way to sum it all is that it all feels natural to both you and your soulmate.

Dear Ate V.

Veraida-Lyn Bermejo — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 14:00:04 +0000

Dear Ate V.,
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now and he forgot to treat me out for Valentine’s Day. Is that a bad sign? Does that mean he does not love me?
I would try not to make a big deal out of it. Valentine’s Day is pretty overrated. We have too many holidays to remember. Valentine’s Day is just another “excuse” to go out and spend unnecessary cash for overpriced flowers and boxes of chocolate. Valentine’s Day should be celebrated everyday! Show love 365 days a year! It is bad enough that the single people of the world have to endure this day of love by themselves and can only by my some miracle that a secret admirer will send them “candy-o-gram.” Just be thankful that you have someone to love and just leave it at. If you make a big fuss out of it, you may not have a boyfriend by the end of the day.

Dear Ate V.,
What is the best way to introduce my girlfriend to my parents for the first time?
From personal experience and observation, I find there are a couple of ways to gently introduce your girlfriend (or in some cases your boyfriend) to your parents: Invite your significant other home to study. It may be easier to have other friends too at the time to help ease any kind of awkwardness. This can help your parents understand that your “friend” is part of your circle of friends. There are some parents who always want to know how you met each other and can get suspicious if she is not from school. Another other way, is taking her to any upcoming family gatherings or special events. This would be an easy way to tell your parents that she is very special; so special that you’ve brought her with you to take part in family functions. And if I were you, I would avoid any intimate contact (hugging, holding hands or kissing) for the first few parent encounters. You do not want to appear over confident with your new relationship in front of your parents.

Dear Ate V.

Veraida-Lyn Bermejo — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 03:00:51 +0000

Dear Ate V.,
I have a really good friend and she likes me. How do I tell her that I am not interested in anything more without compromising our existing relationship?
It is stereotypical for girls to always talk about feelings, especially when they want to talk about feelings and relationships with guys. This is one situation where I recommend to talk about these feelings and not ignore them. If you are not interested, the least you can do for her is listen to what she has to say. Out of respect of your friendship, especially if you are good friends, allow her to put it all out on the table. Sometimes, allowing her to speak out, helps diffuse the situation. By ignoring it, it makes it more difficult for her to sort out her feelings because she does not know what to do with them. It’s similar to keeping her in the dark. She will only continue to hope that your friendship could develop into something more. She may have something important to say that may help you realize something that you never saw before. It may not be an easy conversation, and emotions could run high, but if you care about each other enough as good friends and allow yourselves to talk it out, your friendship will always be the guarantee. But make sure the conversation has closure. If you are still not interested, tell her exactly how you feel and in return of your amicable “rejection,” develop a better friendship with her. Sharing feelings creates a bond between two people. You will probably both feel awkwardness after this kind of conversation, but counter that by becoming closer friends than you were before your conversation.

Dear Ate V.,
I have a friend who seems to have trouble expressing their feelings. When we are out friends it often puts a damper on our activities. How do we show that we care and not “rain on the parade”?
First and foremost, understand your friend. Analyze the situation before approaching them: How long have you noticed this kind of behaviour? Do you notice this every time you are out together or on occasions? Can you find a pattern in their behaviour? Some people have trouble expressing their feelings because they are unsure how their friends might react to them; self conscious of how the expression of their feelings could affect the people involved. Your friend might even be intimidated to be open about their feelings. The obvious way to get them to be open is to simply ask them the “What’s wrong ?” question. But, before you do so, think back and see if maybe you have done something wrong to your friend that might have caused them to behave this way. Maybe they are trying to relay a message but not sure how to do it because they are afraid to hurt someone. They might think you don’t notice that something is wrong. And be sure to approach them in a non-condescending fashion. But also, do not under estimate your friend. He or she may know you are on to them. Either way, be prepared to hear what they have to say – it could involve you. Be understanding as much as possible, especially if you are familiar with their personality and how sensitive they may be.

Dear Ate V., (October 2009)

Veraida-Lyn Bermejo — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 20:00:57 +0000

Dear Ate V,
I am 17 years old and I am thinking of getting my belly button pierced but I am afraid of what my parents would say. Should I get it done?
Personally, I am not a fan of belly button piercings. I don’t find them attractive at all. It was popular in the late 90s and early turn of the century. In some cases, it was a sign of rebellion or to be different or cool amongst friends. But the first question to ask yourself is “Why do I want a belly button piercing?” Is it because your friends have one? More than half of the time, other people won’t see it unless you plan on wearing a belly exposing t-shirt everyday. And don’t forget the amount of care you have to put in so it doesn’t get infected. As for your parents, depending on how traditional they are, I doubt they would approve, but who knows until you actually get one. A belly button piercing is a big a commitment. I would think about it more, do some research before making such a big decision.

Dear Ate V,
I keep having dreams about work. What does it mean?
It probably means that you really care about what you do at work. Some people have dreams about the last thought they think about before falling asleep. And sometimes it could be about work because that is what you have to wake up to the next day. It possibly means that you are nervous about something important going on at work like important clients, deadlines or projects. It may be a weird thing to dream about but it tells you that you want to do well at work.

Dear Ate V. (August 2009)

Veraida-Lyn Bermejo — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 02:00:54 +0000

By: Veraida-Lyn Bermejo

My boyfriend is still close friends with his ex-girlfriend. They were together for 5 years before they broke up, and it was a mutual break up. How do I tell him that it makes me uncomfortable that they still keep in touch?
It is important to keep an open communication in a relationship and it is only natural that you feel uncomfortable. To avoid any confrontation with your boyfriend, try and understand their friendship and why they have remained good friends. You can be open with your boyfriend and tell him how it makes you feel and KINDLY ask him to REDUCE communication with her. Asking him to cease communication may feed off as jealously. Put yourself in his shoes and ask yourself how you would feel if you were asked the same question. It wouldn’t be fair if you got upset if you still had a close friendship with your boyfriend. By confronting him, you may also give off the idea that you don’t trust him. As long as their friendship is not keeping your relationship from growing then it is safe to say “do not worry.” But if you know that he has a history of being untrustworthy then I would just keep my eyes and ears open just in case…

I am 28 years and I still live with my parents? Is that bad?
It depends…Nowadays, it takes some young adults longer to find their career job before they move out and make a life of their own. It is what you do at home that can be the deciding factor. It is easily excusable if you are still in school, therefore you probably do not have a high paying job to keep you on your feet by yourself. Usually in that case, it is excusable because you may not be making enough money to help pay expenses like the electrical bill, groceries, etc. But if you are done school and have a reasonable paying full time job, in respect to living under your parents’ roof you should help lighten the load. By doing so, this will you develop responsibility and understand what it means to keep up with the everyday utilities. But if you live freely off such luxuries and do not demonstrate and any kind of responsibility then you can expect some sort of criticism…that’s when it will be bad.

To send your questions, email:
montrealpinoypost_verabermejo@yahoo.ca

Dear Ate V. (June 2009)

Veraida-Lyn Bermejo — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 00:00:16 +0000

By: Veraida-Lyn Bermejo

Question: I’m dealing with a friend who is falling for someone for all the wrong reasons and with someone who I know for a fact will hurt her. How do I deal with this?
Answer: As a friend, you need to do two things – 1) Tell her how you feel about the person he/she is falling for. But make sure your intentions are valid and your reasons are legitimate. It is great that you are looking out for your friend but you don’t want him/her to think that you are jealous of their new relationship. 2) Respect whatever decision he/she makes. If they don’t listen to what you have to say, do not get upset. If that friend really means a lot to you, then you will have to understand their decision, even it is not what you had hoped for. As their friend, you’ve done your part and can only support their decision and be there for them if something bad does happen.

Question: What do I do if I have to move out of the country but I have a girlfriend?
Answer: First, ask yourself the question: Where do I see this relationship going? Do I want to take this relationship seriously or cut loose ends? Long distance relationships are possible and can have a happily ever after ending, but only if the both sides work at it. If you really care about your girlfriend and she is serious about the relationship, then the long distance relationship should work out. But if you really don’t care how the relationship will roll out when you are away from her, then you might as well save yourself the trouble and break up with her before you move out of the country. Long distance relationships always work out if your heart is in it. It may sound cheesy, but when you put time and effort on something you like or want to keep, that means it the right thing to from the very beginning.

Dear Ate V. (April 2009)

Veraida-Lyn Bermejo — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 04:00:16 +0000

By: Veraida-Lyn Bermejo

Dear Ate V. ,
My boyfriend and I broke up 7 months ago. Since then, he has made no attempt to contact me. Two weeks ago, he saw my sister and one of my best friends and told them he’s been meaning to contact me, but he’s been too busy with work and his new girlfriend. I’ve been meaning to call him for the longest time, but afraid get really angry and emotional. But I am standing my ground and not going to call him. What do you think?

Yes, you are. If he hurt you and he’s been telling everyone that he’s been meaning to contact you and has not yet done so, then I say keep it that way. He’s making himself look like a coward to everyone else because he can’t keep to his word. If you are doing well until now, then you don’t need to hear from him. You are probably looking for closure, but sometimes life works out better without it. Closure is usually an excuse to see each other once last time before officially calling it quits. The person that is asking for closure usually comes out stronger and happier once they’ve regained themselves from the depression. If he respected you enough, he would have made that phone call long before. You have the advantage in this situation and you do not want to lose that.

Dear Ka-Blog,
How are two people in a relationship supposed to function freely, my girlfriend’s parents are very strict?

The most important thing to do in this situation is to try and gain the trust of your girlfriend’s parents. The last thing they want is to discover that their daughter is sneaking around behind their backs. Don’t hide the relationship but also don’t flaunt it. In some cultures, public display of affection is not accepted. Respect boundaries and culture difference if you want them to respect you as well.
To gain their trust, be more present and not shy away. Invite each other to family parties or hang out together with groups of friends. Parents feel more comfortable when they know their daughter is not alone with her boyfriend. They want to keep their kids under a watchful eye. Parents are also afraid of the relationship causing a distraction, especially from school. It’s only natural for parents to be protective of their kids. Do not expect to gain their trust overnight. It will certainly take time until her parents can be more comfortable and assured that their daughter is in good hands.
Your girlfriend can also be open about you to her parents – talk about your special attributes, goals in life or why she likes you. That way, her parents can know you a little better and see that you are not a bad guy.
If all the above fails, ask a family member of close friend to talk to her parents and give them a different perspective on the situation. This may help her relieve the situation knowing that their daughter is growing up and that dating is an inevitable part of life