Dear Ate V.
Dear Ate V.,
I have a really good friend and she likes me. How do I tell her that I am not interested in anything more without compromising our existing relationship?
It is stereotypical for girls to always talk about feelings, especially when they want to talk about feelings and relationships with guys. This is one situation where I recommend to talk about these feelings and not ignore them. If you are not interested, the least you can do for her is listen to what she has to say. Out of respect of your friendship, especially if you are good friends, allow her to put it all out on the table. Sometimes, allowing her to speak out, helps diffuse the situation. By ignoring it, it makes it more difficult for her to sort out her feelings because she does not know what to do with them. It’s similar to keeping her in the dark. She will only continue to hope that your friendship could develop into something more. She may have something important to say that may help you realize something that you never saw before. It may not be an easy conversation, and emotions could run high, but if you care about each other enough as good friends and allow yourselves to talk it out, your friendship will always be the guarantee. But make sure the conversation has closure. If you are still not interested, tell her exactly how you feel and in return of your amicable “rejection,” develop a better friendship with her. Sharing feelings creates a bond between two people. You will probably both feel awkwardness after this kind of conversation, but counter that by becoming closer friends than you were before your conversation.
Dear Ate V.,
I have a friend who seems to have trouble expressing their feelings. When we are out friends it often puts a damper on our activities. How do we show that we care and not “rain on the parade”?
First and foremost, understand your friend. Analyze the situation before approaching them: How long have you noticed this kind of behaviour? Do you notice this every time you are out together or on occasions? Can you find a pattern in their behaviour? Some people have trouble expressing their feelings because they are unsure how their friends might react to them; self conscious of how the expression of their feelings could affect the people involved. Your friend might even be intimidated to be open about their feelings. The obvious way to get them to be open is to simply ask them the “What’s wrong ?” question. But, before you do so, think back and see if maybe you have done something wrong to your friend that might have caused them to behave this way. Maybe they are trying to relay a message but not sure how to do it because they are afraid to hurt someone. They might think you don’t notice that something is wrong. And be sure to approach them in a non-condescending fashion. But also, do not under estimate your friend. He or she may know you are on to them. Either way, be prepared to hear what they have to say – it could involve you. Be understanding as much as possible, especially if you are familiar with their personality and how sensitive they may be.
